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in: Episodes

Episode 5: The Mystery of the Bewdy Hill Beauties Part 2

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In the second and final part of The Mystery of the Bewdy Hill Beauties, our intrepid team of adventurers find themselves split up and stranded in the surprisingly erotic dimensional dungeon known as The Clungeon. Can they make it to the centre and save not just Bewdy Hill - but each other!? It's Dungeon and Dragons adventure set in the you-beaut, true-blue realm of Fantasy Australia!


Synopsis[]

Gadai and Plank are in the outermost circle of The Clungeon, a maze of narrow alleys and red lights. Boner Bill sexually propositions them both, until Plank prompts him to explain that The Clungeon is a pocket dimension where everyone is sexually aroused, but that it is possible to move freely through gates and doors.

Gadai and Plank enter the First Circle, where they find goblins, boganbears, and hags who are disguised as attractive women. Gadai approaches one of the women to ask questions, but when the woman touches her Gadai dodges a melee spell attack and is able to see that the woman is actually a hag. Plank agrees to hug the hag in exchange for knowing where Clint Flicker is and how to get further in. The hag successfully attacks Plank with an Erotic Touch, forcing him to remove one item of clothing.

McKenzie finds herself in a different area, with humid air from many natural hot springs and baths, and tropical foliage. There are many lizardfolk  and snakeblokes. She remembers the epic poem of Dante Bloody Wilson concerning The Clungeon. A snakebloke successfully attacks her with an Erotic Touch, but she kills him.

Gadai and Plank move with stealth through the first circle of The Clungeon until Gadai finds the door to the Second Circle, with the hot springs and baths. They find the body of the snakebloke McKenzie killed, and Plank recognises the smell of an aroused McKenzie.

McKenzie enters the third circle of The Clungeon, which is given over to sensual massages. She is approached by a pixie, whom she destroys in one hit, and proceeds to dress herself in layers of towels. Gadai and Plank also enter the third circle and meet up with McKenzie. A dwarf approaches the group and uses Erotic Touch on Gadai.

The group continues to the fourth circle, an erotic library, and each take a book to attempt to blend in. They are approached first by a tabaxi, whom Plank distracts using Thaumaturgy to make the sound of a box of cat food being shaken. A satyr then approaches and uses Erotic Touch on Plank; the satyr and Plank then bond over both having hooves and horns and Plank draws the satyr in before kneeing him in the face. The satyr gives Plank his chatterpillar number before the group leaves.

In the fifth circle, the group finds a pit dedicated to BDSM activity, and finds a sexy goliath pirate whipping a scantily-clad Wenzo. They collect Wenzo, who has been sharing business cards, and continue onwards, although the pirate does use Erotic Touch on McKenzie to make her remove one towel.

They enter the sixth circle, the Halls of Penetration, which has attractive humans and elves. They recognise a minor celebrity, winner of Nobbydong's Next Top Model, who uses Erotic Touch on Plank. Plank removes all of his clothing and considers staying in The Clungeon, but ultimately uses Thaumaturgy again to make the distant sound of a director casting for Nobbydong's Next Top Model All Stars and distracts her.

The group finally enters the seventh circle, where they find a tastefully decorated room filled with aasimar, a naked and chained Clint Flicker, and the succubus ruler of The Clungeon Bacardi. The group attack Bacardi, and the aasimar in the room freeze in place. Having charmed McKenzie by giving her a flower in Bewdy Hill, Bacardi is able to use Draining Kiss and knocks McKenzie out. Gadai and Plank take down Bacardi, while McKenzie manages to just about awaken.

As Bacardi dies, The Clungeon collapses and people are released from the magical erotic charm effect ends. The party, and many other individuals, are deposited in a field just outside Mingin. Wenzo reminds them that they need to return to Bewdy Hill to collect their reward from Ken Oath, and the group find Frikken Oath and take her with them in the pie wagon as they travel back overnight. Ken pays them six hundred gold pieces and magic items.

Characters[]

Locations[]

Peoples[]

Creatures[]

Definitions[]

Quotes[]

  • Snakebloke: "I've got maracas for knackers, mate."
  • Luke: He drops to the ground, but you are naked, flustered...
    McKenzie: "And angry."
    Luke: And angry.
  • Luke: So, using Gadai as your guide, you're ducking and weaving between hamrock hags, bogan bears and gobshites -
    Zach: The wind blowing past my nipples.
    Luke: Wind just...
    Suzanne: Did you not have a shirt on under this jacket?
    Paris: Cool guys don't wear shirts under the jackets.
    Zach: I like to feel the leather on my skin.
  • Plank: "Wow, McKenzie would love it here! So many baths! ...I'm so excited I got the hiccups!"
  • Plank: I stand there in stunned belief. "...did she just fuck all these tater guys?"
  • Dwarf: "Why don't you call me daddy?"
    Plank "Okay... daddy."
  • Paris: I'm gonna lose... my skirt.
    Luke: Okay, wow.
    Zach: Straight to it.
    Paris: Well, I'm protecting my - I want to protect my organs! My vital organs.
    Dwarf: "They weren't the organs I was interested in, so don't worry, crikey."
  • Satyr: "Trip trap, trip trap, here I come with my little goat legs, my little jaunty goat legs. Hello. I got my little jaunty goat legs, ding ding ding ding. I wanna frolic with someone. Who wants to frolic with me?"
  • McKenzie: "You got onto fucking level five? You started on level five?"
    Wenzo: "I just went in the tent-"
    McKenzie: "You son of a bitch."
  • McKenzie: "Right, Wenzo, we're getting out of here. Are you coming, or not?"
    Wenzo: "Ahhhh... funny phrasing... of that question...."
  • Plank: "Guys, I think this is where I belong. I'm happy here."
    Gadai: "No, you belong on level one, where you landed."
    Plank: "I've made my way up to level seven."
    Nobbydong's Next Top Model Winner: "We're on level six. Don't fool yourself. I've never been to level seven. I dream of level seven but, uh..."
    McKenzie: "Well, we've just kind of walked through all the other levels, you know, if you really wanted to you could just, you know..."
  • Plank: "I feel like the succubus is gonna tell us something."
    McKenzie: "I'm not up for it. Hey, bitch!"
  • Luke: Meanwhile, the succubus - whose name you didn't even bother to ask, you rude cunts - looks at you, Plank, and smiles. 
  • Plank: "Maybe we should give up on the attack, and try to sex her to death."
    Gadai: "...no."
  • Gadai: "You spent a thousand on chatterpillars."
    Wenzo: "I know, which you didn't... ironically, no-one tried to contact me when we were separated, back in the..."
  • Wenzo: "A hundred for you, a hundred for you, a hundred for you... I'll take the other share."

Australian Culture References[]

  • "Bogan" (noun) is Australian slang for a person of low social status, generally uncouth and unsophisticated.
  • "Bintang singlet" (noun) is an Australian term referring to a sleeveless cotton shirt with the brand logo for Bintang (a resort in Bali which is very popular with Australian tourists) printed on it. They are considered ubiquitous among bogans.
  • Rockham hags are a reference to Rockingham, a city in Western Australia with certain nightclubs and pubs that have a bad reputation.
  • "Knackers" (noun) is Australian slang for testicles.
  • "Rack off" is Australian slang telling someone to leave, a less profane version of "fuck off". Specifically, "Rack off Drazic" is a reference to classic Australian soap Heartbreak High which featured teenagers telling each other to "rack off" on a regular basis.
  • "Slab of tinnies" (noun) means a twelve-pack of cans of some alcoholic drink.
  • Slip-Slop-Slap is a very well-known Australian and New Zealand sun safety campaign from the 1980s which had a significant impact on sun safety culture and sunscreen use in the region.

Trivia & Gaffes[]

  • McKenzie spends the majority of this episode in either half of a bikini or towels, with only an immovable rod. Without an arcane focus (her staff) or spell component pouch, she should not be able to cast spells which require material components.
  • Luke suggests counting Boner Bill's ribs to ascertain his sex, but this is a long-discredited myth. With appropriate training, however, it is possible to determine sex from the pelvis and skull of a skeleton approximately 98% of the time.
  • It's unclear whether the hags are rockham hags or hamrock hags, the name goes back and forth.
  • The hag claims to be from "Bumdunnin", which is probably meant to be Dunbummin. It's unclear whether this is the hag's mistake or Luke's.
  • When McKenzie shoots the snakebloke, Luke calls it "a palpable hit" - this is in fact not an Australian reference but a reference to the Shakespeare play Hamlet which has the line, "A hit! A very palpable hit!"
  • Plank confirms that as a tiefling, he has hooves, something which will later be forgotten.
  • Zach continues to maintain that Hellish Rebuke is a cantrip, when it is not. However, if Plank can cast Hellish Rebuke as part of his Eldritch Knight spells, then he is able to cast it twice at level one per long rest, as well as the one level two cast per long rest. This would have made the spells that Plank cast possible - if anything, he has in fact lost out on the extra 1d10 damage from the second level tiefling ability casting.
  • Once again, the team struggle to grasp the limitations of the Immovable Rod when they discuss trying to trap Wenzo in the Portable Hole with it.
  • The books are references as follows:
    • "The Seven Pink Bits of Highly Offensive People" - "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey
    • "On Rooting: A Memoir of the Shaft" - "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft" by Stephen King
    • "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up Your Giant Bush" - "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo
    • "How to Rim Friends and Infiltrate Peepholes" - "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
    • "Cunnies and Sequential Arse" - "Comics and Sequential Art" by Will Eisner
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