Episode 11: Beyond Barneydome Part 2

Episode 11: Beyond Barneydome Part 2
Episode Number	Episode 11
First Aired	24 October 2017
DM	Luke
Players	Jacinta Paris Suzanne Zach
Player Level	Level 4

This week's thrilling conclusion to Beyond Barneydome sees our party of heroes and guest were-dingledonger Channing Taters using their combined resources to solve the ongoing mystery of the missing Nippenbiddy babies - and clear Channing's name! But will they actually manage to solve this thing or make the problem worse!

Synopsis

Plank and Channing Taters fight against the group who has ordered them to stop investigating the missing babies. One of the group kills themselves in the scuffle, and Plank's Hellish Rebuke takes out a second, leading the others to surrender. Plank removes their hoods, revealing they are teenage boys doing this on the order of their parents Charlie Parsnip the priest and Bob Gravy the butcher.

Plank relays this information to Gadai and McKenzie, and suggests they go to Charlie Parsnip next. Gadai and McKenzie join Charlie Parsnip in a confessional. He states that children have only been going missing since the appearance of The Barneydome. McKenzie also intimidates him but is unable to get much more information other than to suggest they talk to Reg the Wedge.

Plank and Channing head to talk to Zantasia the merchant. Channing is unable to tell much about the smell of the meat in Zantasia's shop, but Plank begins to intimidate information out of him only for Figgy Wiggins to burst from the crowd, throw Charlie Parsnip to the ground, and declare that there is something under the church. Figgy Wiggins says that the item is hidden under illusion magic, and he has a potion that will counteract it but only for two minutes, so suggests that they gather the party before taking the potion and tackling whatever is under there.

The party gathers, and Figgy Wiggins heals them to full health and gives them the second potion. However, as the group walks under the church and along the corridor, the world seems to grow around them, and as an iron cage smashes down around them they realise that they have been turned into baby versions of themselves. Figgy Wiggins points them down a corridor and wishes them good luck.

They emerge back into the arena, where the stands are now packed, to find themselves facing four actual babies which have been given weapons. One of the babies surrenders after being severely injured, and Plank immediately withdraws as he realises he is able to do so. After the second baby surrenders, McKenzie persuades the other two to also stop fighting. 

The four exit, with the two remaining babies, to be met by Bernie Dohne who explains that the entire council of men who lead the town are behind the baby-fighting concept and asks whether they could appear regularly. They refuse. Playing compliant, they are returned to adult size by Figgy Wiggins, and McKenzie immediately tries to punch him. Channing Taters negotiates a free kick to Figgy Wiggins' testicles.

Gadai starts to ask Channing Taters about how the Jackman Family are involved with weredingledongers, but Bootie McScoots hurriedly interjects and whisks Channing away in a stagecoach bearing the Jackman arms.

Plank makes a considered attempt to work out how to lock or block the doors to the arena and burn it down entirely, but is unable to do so with only the Immovable Rod and his cantrips. Instead, he fantasises about destroying the entire town, and the three return to the Pie Wagon to find Barbarabarian leaving Wenzo. McKenzie orders Wenzo to get them out of the town immediately.

Characters

• Channing Taters
• Gadai
• McKenzie
• Plank
• Charlie Parsnip
• Wally Parsnip
• Reg the Wedge
• Zantasia
• Figgy Wiggins
• Bootie McScoots
• Barbarabarian (mentioned)

Locations

• Nippenbiddy
• The Barneydome

Peoples

• Halflings
• High Elves
• Humans
• Tieflings
• Weredingledongers

Creatures

• Dingledongers (mentioned)

Definitions

• Immovable Rod (mentioned)
• Silver Galah (mentioned)
• Stalkie-Talkie  (mentioned)

Quotes

• Luke: I'm fucking thinking - I'm like twenty-five characters at once and you want me to be, like, fucking verbally sparring you at the same time? Fuck off. You just bought a fucking twig to a wizard battle, cunt.
  Jacinda: You just bought a cunt to a twig battle, fuckhead.
• McKenzie: "We'd like to talk to you somewhere private."
  Charlie Parsnip: "Ah, okay, yes, well, I've got a lot of confessional booths. Shall we all cram into a confessional booth? It'll be like a little party, won't it. The three of us all there in a little booth, talking about our deepest darkest sins. Come on, let's go in there. I'll go first, come on, in we go. You too, don't be shy. This little one won't take up much room, come on in. You can just tuck under my arm there. Let's go, alright. And what about you, there? Come on, come and sit on my lap. Tell me what's wrong."
  McKenzie: "...there is so much wrong."
• Charlie Parnsip: "I'm telling you everything I'm comfortable with."
  McKenzie: "How about telling me some stuff that you're uncomfortable with?"
• Plank: "Yeah, and that's how I lost my virginity again. I thought I'd lost it -"
• Channing: "I have often been accused of being a two-minute wonder, so let's get going."
• Gadai: "Take me to where you came from, and then I'll use my lagerphone as a -"
  Baby: "I came from a bagina."
• Channing: "I feel like I've had my day, like, really fucking ruined here. So I reckon that I should get a free potshot at his nuts."
• Luke: Plank, I want you to think about, like, taking a shower rod down to the WACA...
  Suzanne: I think you can end that metaphor just there. That was pretty good.

Australian Culture References

• A "barney" (noun) is a fight or argument.
• The "nipper" (noun) in Nippenbiddy may come from a slang term for a child, providing a hint towards the answer to the mystery of the session.
• "Biddy" (noun) means an old, fussy woman.
• "Dacks" (noun) are trousers/pants.
• As Jacinda explans, "WACA" is the local nickname for the Perth cricket grounds, a large arena.

Trivia & Gaffes

• This week, the players are asked who is their favourite party member so far:
  • Channing Taters' favourite party member is Plank.
  • Gadai's favourite party member is Wenzo.
  • McKenzie's favourite party member is the Silver Galah.
  • Plank's favourite party member is (currently) Channing Taters.
  • Wenzo's favourite party member is Gadai.
• Unlike the previous episode, Jacinta's first roll of this episode is a natural one, and introduces her to the wonderful world of critical failures.
• Since "Scootie" is a clearly manageable nickname for someone whose surname is McScoots, it does not matter much at all whether the characters call the ambassador Bootie or Scootie.
• It probably would have been possible, given that the Barneydome was inside a mountain and that Fantasy Australia probably does not have great fire regulations, for most or all of the town to have been trapped inside and burned. However, it is likely that Luke as DM knew this would be a moral jumping of the shark for the podcast (and too realistically dark for listeners) and sensibly chose to prevent it from happening.