Episode 7: The Bogan Bash Part 2


 * In this week's epic conclusion to The Bogan Bash, McKenzie, Gadai and Plank find themselves trapped inside the drunken city of Hogan's Knife as two uninvited guests rain deadly dropbears onto the bogan wedding of celebrity couple Nathan "Nuggo" Worthington and Kayleigh Lotto. Can our heroes make a difference? Can they even survive?

Synopsis
The Lotto-Worthington wedding has been interrupted by the arrival of Hemsworth Family and Kidman Family airships and the Kidman Family ship dropping dropbears. One hits Plank, but Gadai and McKenzie manage to dodge, and Gadai manages to injure and deflect a second one as the group runs into the pawn shop. McKenzie sets down Jerome the Gnome, who flees. Plank buys a set of six chess pawns, then McKenzie leads the group towards the magic item store under the cover of a fog cloud provided by Gadai.

McKenzie trades the jar of Griffon Grease from Definitely Stumpy for the Smart Arse (Cap). Plank buys some Grizzard Grease from Grizzard the Wizard.

Plank reveals he has history in the Kidman Family military and uses the Silver Galah to send a message to Candace Kidman asking her to avoid him with the dropbear attacks. Plank admits that he created the Flail of Slaughter which led to the deaths of most of the enemies of the Kidmans and left him known as "The Flailer", "The Slaughter Smith", and "Flaylor, the Demon of the South-West". However, he feels guilty about the deaths and about the lauding of him when he made the item accidentally. However, Candace simply replies that should he bring Kayleigh, all is forgiven.

Gadai states that she is on the side of the Worthington Family, whose wedding was interrupted. Plank states that he is a Kidman loyalist, while McKenzie has no opinions as her support lies with the Blanchett Family. Via the chatterpillars, Wenzo also votes in favour of the Worthingtons.

Gadai and Plank enter the weapons and armour store, where Plank casts Sleep on the owner and they take the armour and weapons. Plank also prompts McKenzie to steal the Sober Goggles, before the group reconvene in the weapons and armour store to plan. As the owner awakes, Plank uses Prestidigitation to place a large fake opal in his hand, then the group move to the central tower for Gadai to track the dropbear that took Kayleigh Lotto. They see that the Hemsworth Family flagship has docked on the tower. Gadai uses a Potion of Animal Friendship on a dropbear, while McKenzie fights another one off.

Gadai tracks Kayleigh by her perfume, and finds her hiding in the live animal warehouses. Kayleigh asks to speak to one of the ladies about a problem with her "undercarriage", and when McKenzie looks it is apparent that Kayleigh is in the midst of giving birth despite having not realised she was pregnant. Gadai helps to deliver the baby and McKenzie helps name him Rolo. When Plank presents a poem to Kayleigh, she reveals that she has only known Nuggo for five days.

Gadai suggests they use the remaining residents as a human shield for Kayleigh and Rolo, and McKenzie makes a speech to the townsfolk declaring the child to be a miracle baby conceived only five days previously. Kayleigh remains behind as the residents protect the group and Rolo on their way to the town square, and they are allowed to enter the central tower.

The group ascends the tower to find Nathan "Nuggo" Worthington tied to a chair while Jace Hemsworth threatens him. Jace explains to the group that he and Kayleigh were dating until five days previously, when she and Nuggo had hooked up at the B&S (Boofheads and Slappers) Ball. The group introduces him to his son and suggests that he call off his airships. The Kidman flagship lands and Candace Kidman enters the building.

The group attacks Jace, then negotiates with him that he will leave Hogan's Knife with them and the baby, and drop them off outside of town with an arrangement for two humpyhorses to be sent to them. Jace takes Nuggo with them. As they leave, Candace Kidman makes it to the room and curses them. Jace drops them off at the pie wagon, shows them some "sweet kicks", and leaves back towards the Shitface Coast.

Characters

 * Gadai
 * McKenzie
 * Plank
 * Wenzo
 * Jerome the Gnome
 * Nathan "Nuggo" Worthington
 * Kayleigh Lotto
 * Jace Hemsworth
 * Robbo the Baker (mentioned)
 * Grizzard the Wizard 43
 * Mrs Grizzard (mentioned)
 * Rolo Hay Worthington/Rolo Hemsworth
 * Candace Kidman
 * Daisy the Humpyhorse
 * Jacko the Humpyhorse

Locations

 * Bogan Wilds
 * Hogan's Knife
 * Shitface Coast (mentioned)

Peoples

 * Gnomes
 * Goliaths
 * Halflings
 * High Elves
 * Humans
 * Tieflings

Creatures

 * Chatterpillars
 * Dropbears
 * Humpyhorses

Definitions

 * Acker Dacker
 * Blanchett Family (mentioned)
 * Chatterpillars
 * Crikey Moses
 * Flail of Slaughter
 * Goodberries
 * Hemsworth Family
 * Kayleigh Lotto Fantasy Quickdraw Supplementary Number Bigpool Bongo Five Perfume
 * Kidman Family
 * Leather Armour, +1 AC
 * Leather Armour, Psychic Resistance
 * Main Vein Drainer
 * Noggin Knocker (mentioned)
 * Pie Wagon
 * Silver Galah
 * Smart Arse (Cap)
 * Sober Goggles
 * Worthington Family

Quotes
Plank: "Me." Pawn Shop Owner: "Yes, are you good at it?" McKenzie: "This is not a shop populated by chess pawns." Plank: "Yeah, I'm pretty good." Pawn Shop Owner: "I don't have any rooks-" McKenzie: "That's bullshit." Plank: "In one sense, yes. In another sense... I am a war criminal." McKenzie: "You.. figure out the logistics of your emotional attachments?" Kayleigh: "There's a lot of big words coming from your pretty mouth." Plank: "There's nothing weak about being the bigger man." McKenzie: "Oy..." Plank: "Um, obviously not." Gadai: "In my way, that's what you are." Plank: "My wet dream, maybe, hah. You are a spunk." Gadai & McKenzie: "Humpyhorse." McKenzie: "Probably." Plank: "That doesn't matter at all." Wenzo: "You know I'm a royalist..." McKenzie: "Did you know, Wenzo... my hat has an arse on it."
 * Pawn Shop Owner: "Well, fuck, if there's anything here that'll save you, mate, that's fine. Who here plays chess?"
 * Luke: "Just a sidenote, you hear a lot of screaming and dying in the street. Continue?"
 * Plank, Galah message: "Hey Candace, been a while. How's the fam? I'm doing well. On the dole but in this town. Plank."
 * Gadai: "So you're a war hero?"
 * Candace Kidman, Galah message: "Bring me Kayleigh and all is forgiven. You will be rewarded."
 * McKenzie: "Do you want me to arcana check this baby?"
 * Kayleigh: "So what do we do now?"
 * McKenzie: "You owe the live of your son to these people."
 * Crikey Moses: "I'd high-five you, if I had arms."
 * Jace Hemsworth: "You... do know who I am, right?"
 * Plank: "No, wait. We want one humpedy dumpedy. What are they called?"
 * Wenzo: "So I guess everything turned out in the wash. So, did you, er, what did he say about enemy of the king? That was a joke, right?"

Australian Culture References

 * Drop bears are a modern Australian tall tale or hoax mostly told to tourists in order to scare or confuse them. They are a predatory and carnivorous version of koalas which drop out of trees to stun or kill their prey.
 * "Sweet kicks" could possibly be a reference to Melbourne-based rock band Bitter Sweet Kicks?
 * "Giving someone the forks" is putting up the index and middle finger facing someone. It is also called a "two-finger salute". While generally considered less offensive than putting up one's middle finger, it is still an offensive gesture.

Trivia & Gaffes

 * This week, the players are asked their characters' favourite sex position.
 * Gadai's favourite sex position is "dingledonger style".
 * McKenzie's favourite sex position is "eating a cinnamon doughnut alone".
 * Plank's favourite sex position is choking himself a little bit with his tail as he masturbates into a pavlova.
 * This weekly question was in fact the first mention of Plank's tail, another physical feature which would before long be forgotten again.
 * While 30ft is the standard distance characters can move in a round if they also wish to take an action, a Dash action allows them to double this - so Gadai's dash movement would have been 50ft.
 * The NPC owner of the bakery called Robbo mention people that they know called Stevo, Dicko, Macker and Nuggo, but no Steve.
 * Plank's message was not twenty-five words, but nineteen.
 * Although it probably should have been apparent that Kayleigh was in labour, Suzanne did initially ask whether the hand sticking out of Kayleigh's vagina belonged to Jerome the Gnome, much to everyone else's confusion.
 * This episode features the first time that Gadai gives someone the forks.