Lotto-Worthington Wedding Vows

The Lotto-Worthington wedding vows are the vows spoken by Nathan "Nuggo" Worthington and Kayleigh Lotto on the occasion of their wedding, in Episode 6: The Bogan Bash Part 1. Like many bogan wedding vows, they are done in the form of poetry, but in the manner of Fantasy Australia they are considerably dirtier than average.

Nuggo's Vows
Where's love from? Not from the heart

My love for you is like a fart.

It keeps me warm, it makes me laugh,

It summons bubbles in the bath.

Under the covers, mouth agape,

Love holds your head down, no escape.

Romantically I vent my arse

And reminisce of dinners past. A bit of me goes into you,

Wafting in your nostrils two

And with such bonding I do vow

To always give your field a plough,

To share me beer, to share me cigs,

To fill you with a hundred kids.

And when I'm bloated on the couch,

An old, distended, fuck-faced grouch,

Who cannot summon an erection,

I'll send a fart in your direction.

Kayleigh's Vows
Nuggo hun, you're my wet dream.

Call it lack of self-esteem

Short-sightedness or lack of nouse

But fair digs, Nugs, I think you're grouse.

I love it when you show your bum

Or flip a finger at me mum

Or fight some dickhead, mock his taste

And smash a bottle in his face.

And even when you're forced to cheat

You keep your girlfriends so discreet.

You're sweet and thoughtful, even when

You're knuckle-deep in my best friend.

I cannot wait to be your bride,

The faithful trophy at your side.

To love, to honour and obey

And drink my weight in chardonnay.

But even when I'm old and doughy,

I'll still give you heaps of blowies.