Episode 8: The Crackatinny Caper Part 1


 * This week we kick off a whole new adventure as our trio of bonza mates are drawn to a secret meeting with a face from the past! Will they accept a mission that sees them assisting the country's favourite cast offs? And who or what is tearing up the bodies that are littering the bush? It's live Dungeons and Dragons set in the upside down world of Fantasy Australia!

Synopsis
A week after the events of the Bogan Bash in Hogan's Knife, Wenzo calls a team meeting to explain that the actions of Gadai, McKenzie and Plank have been retold and that they are gaining a significant negative reputation. Wenzo is particularly disappointed in them as he is a royalist. To address this reputation, he suggests they do some high-visibility positive acts, starting with responding to a letter sent to them. The letter asks for them to "help those who cannot help themselves", and Wenzo lets slip there is also a substantial reward.

The group follows the directions to a clearing regularly used as a meeting place. Methface emerges, and is surprised to discover that Gadai, McKenzie and Plank are the pie wagon mystery solvers that he has written to. He calls out his companion Pusbum and introduces new ally Scabnuts. The people Methface wants the group to help are sleepingbaggers, who have been going missing from various big cities. Rumours say they have been seen in the nearby Chesty Flats. While Methface cannot offer them money, Gadai suggests he can vouch for them to a magazine instead.

As they follow Methface's directions, they find slumped figures on the road which have caused the humpyhorses to stop. The figures are one and a half corpses - the entire corpse of a wombanger, and the torso and arms of a scruffy, scabby probably-human man. Gadai awakens Crikey Moses, who also indicates danger is nearby. Gadai recognises the approaching Blood Gobbers and the group quickly kill both.

Returning to the corpses, Gadai recognises the injuries to the wombanger as the work of a rudebird. She finds the number 541 branded on the human's arm, a ripped piece of paper saying "Crackat" in his hand, and the smell of beer about him. McKenzie determines there is no sign of magic on either body.

The group continues into the Chesty Flats, a large flat area of mostly farmland, and see an innocuous-looking building. They disguise themselves as travelling pie salespeople and approach the front door, where they are greeted by an unimpressed resident. They persuade him to open the door, and when a gnome appears Gadai asks that they be shown around in lieu of payment. The gnome is becoming increasingly angry as a second gnome appears, apologises, and introduces himself as Spunky and the angry gnome as Stroppy. Spunky agrees to show them around, explaining their site is the Crackatinny Brewery, a new craft brewery that even Plank has never heard of.

Stroppy brings them inside and introduces them to the other gnomes: Boozy, Furphy, Sweary, Nuddy and Shonky. Plank attempts to sneak away while Gadai and McKenzie distract or block the lines of view of the other gnomes, but Sweary points out that it is getting dark. Spunky suggests they should leave before sunset, but McKenzie forcefully offers help. Stroppy abruptly warns that "They're fucking coming again" and the gnomes begin panicking.

McKenzie looks out through the front gates to see manmus. They are creatures with the upper bodies of sleepingbaggers and the lower half of rudebirds, and a large number are attacking the Crackatinny Brewery sheds, drawn by the smell of beer.

Characters

 * Gadai
 * McKenzie
 * Plank
 * Wenzo
 * King Samwise "Wortho" Worthingon (mentioned)
 * Candace Kidman (mentioned)
 * Methface
 * Pusbum
 * Scabnuts
 * Favril Hasmagicbeans (mentioned)
 * Sheila Shift (mentioned)
 * Iggy Azalea (mentioned)
 * Stroppy
 * Spunky
 * Boozy
 * Furphy
 * Sweary
 * Nuddy
 * Shonky

Locations

 * Bogan Wilds
 * Chesty Flats
 * Crackatinny Brewery

Peoples

 * Gnomes
 * Halflings
 * High Elves
 * Humans
 * Tieflings

Creatures

 * Blood Gobbers
 * Manmus
 * Rudebirds
 * Wombangers

Definitions

 * Acker Dacker
 * Crikey Moses
 * Pie Wagon
 * Sleepingbagger
 * Worthington Family (mentioned)

Quotes
McKenzie: "No." Gadai: "Yeah, yeah I did! Do you guys remember that?" McKenzie: "It was pretty good." Gadai: "Classic! I learned that the other week. I've, I've been doing it out the window..." Wenzo: "You've been doing it a lot." McKenzie: "Well, that's your opinion, man." Plank: "Some, like, pro bono." Wenzo: "Some, like, high profile good work to raise the image of the pie wagon. We're not running just any old pie wagon here!" McKenzie: "I am very pro-boner." Plank: "I've got a pro boner." Plank: "Methface, you dirty old cunt." Methface: "Aw, you have a beautiful way with words." McKenzie: "I don't know, well, you started on with the flirting." Gadai: "Well. I haven't made eye contact with someone in a while." Stroppy: "No it fucking hasn't."
 * Wenzo: "I love my magazines. Do you love anything, McKenzie? Is there anything you would defend with your life?
 * Wenzo: "And as you abandoned her [Candace Kidman], fuming, in the tower... while you double-crossed her with her partner in this whole plan... Gadai, it says here that you gave her the forks."
 * Wenzo: "And I suppose you thought this whole little adventure last week was a bit of fun, but guys... it's not great, is it? I mean, really? That you've pissed off the King of this land, you've pissed off Candace Kidman - an important person in line to the South - and quite frankly, I mean, I wasn't there. I was back in the wagon making sure that everything was moving smoothly. You've kind of pissed off me. And what have you got to say for yourselves?"
 * Wenzo: "Luckily, the artist's impression of you drongos makes you look far more impressive than you actually are."
 * Wenzo: "We've got to get you to do some good deeds to cancel out all the dickhead deeds that you've done lately."
 * Luke: It is a crude map... I say that because it's got a giant cock drawn on it...
 * Luke: He sees you, he has some recognition, I have a feeling maybe you guys have a moment of recognition here too -
 * Methface: "That suits you, Plank, up there in that tree. Look at you, you're wild, you're just... wild like Mother Nature itself. You're like Mother Nature's big old hairy bush."
 * Luke: In real Australia, we call this an emu. In real America, they call it an e-moo, because they're dickheads.
 * Luke: Alright, Plank. A little hatch opens, a pair of small eyes looks through, looks at you for a second, and goes, "Fuck off."
 * Gadai: "I'm gonna keep these guys with distracted with me, with my charms. I - is it because we're the same height? Is that what happened here?"
 * Spunky: "Thanks for the pies, it's been wonderful to meet you -"

Australian Culture References

 * A goog or googie (noun) is Australian slang for an egg.
 * "Giving someone the forks" is putting up the index and middle finger facing someone. It is also called a "two-finger salute". While generally considered less offensive than putting up one's middle finger, it is still an offensive gesture.
 * "Durry" (noun) is Australian slang for a cigarette
 * "Candy stripers" (noun) refer to volunteer hospital workers in the USA who, particularly from the 1940s to 1990s, often wore red and white striped dresses or pinafores. The nickname continued over into Australian slang.
 * A "Furphy" (noun) is, in Australian slang, a rumour or improbably story which is told as if true but is actually incorrect.
 * "Shonky" (adj) is Australian (and UK) slang for something which is of poor or dubious quality.

Trivia & Gaffes

 * This week, the players are asked their characters' fondest childhood memory:
 * Gadai's fondest childhood memory is receiving her name - someone kept shouting "G'day" at her, so she assumed it was her name.
 * McKenzie's fondest childhood memory is riding a servant around like a pony.
 * Plank's fondest childhood memory is long walks on the beach.
 * Luke does catch himself after saying "foilage" instead of "foliage".
 * Carrion Crawlers have Multi-Attack and should be attacking twice a turn, but Fantasy Australian Blood Gobbers might not have this ability.
 * Plank's Hellish Rebuke on Lefty the Blood Gobber should still have done half damage even when it passed the Dexterity saving throw.
 * Plank's in-character "pie salesman" accent sounds like a stereotypically "chavvy" accent from the UK, particularly the London region.